Dr. Ronn,: Sometimes I get tire and lose my motivation to keep trying to meet the right person and get married. But other times, I get so pumped up and focused on my marriage goal that I’m not really thinking about anything else. I want balance. IS there ever such a thing as letting your love life take over your WHOLE life? – S.N.
S.N, you bet, there is. Read on to find out what I mean…
Early, one Friday morning my former coaching client (call her “Barbara”) called my office and left me a long, super-excited voice mail message. She was so overjoyed that she used up all the allotted time and had to call back to finish.
Though it took a slew of words for her to get it out, Barbara’s message was a simple one: “Finally, Dr. Ronn, I’ve got a life!”
I understood instantly what she meant.
In the past Barbara had been the type who would get herself so wrapped up in dating and relationships that nothing else mattered. How well—or how poorly—it was going became her total obsession. Her excited phone call was to tell me that she had finally learned (the hard way) that there is much more to the abundant life, than just men and marriage.
Today, I’m led to remind YOU of that very same fact.
If nearly all your goals, and virtually all your time, are connected to finding and keeping a mate, then you’ve lost touch with your unique and precious identity as an individual. Believe me, if you aren’t able to experience contentment and self-satisfaction apart from a relationship, you won’t experience it in one either.
The truth is, when your love life becomes your whole life, you won’t have enough of a life to share with a mate.
Always make a conscious effort to maintain a healthy balance of your independent interests and pursuits with your pursuit of a romantic relationship. If you abandon either priority you’ll be at risk of losing both.
Who you are — and how you are– are much too valuable for you to EVER let that happen.
Take a tip from the message Barbara left me:
“My steps toward my mate, whoever he is, are now coming from desire for a relationship, NOT from fear of being alone. Neither one of us benefits if I give up my life to get his love.”
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
*Name changed to protect confidentiality.